Every once in while, we venture to the Upper East Side of Manhattan. This weekend it was for a toddler swim class at Asphalt Green. While membership at this club is astronomical for lowly Wash-Highers like us, their swim classes are somewhat reasonably priced and non-members can enroll. I took a back seat to the fun while my husband and daughter did underwater “zooms” together and practiced backstroking to “Row, Row, Row Your Boat.” It was great watching them interact and Josie only choked once!
As all this was going on in the water, I sat poolside and flipped through a brochure of classes and membership info. On the inside cover of the pamphlet was a segment titled, “The Power of Play.” After puking a little at this silly headline and then realizing it’s something I’d probably write for one of my clients, I saw this and completely lost my lunch:
Asphalt Green is so thoughtful with their marketing materials, they even suggest fun new games for the wealthiest young New Yorkers to play. As the headline stated, play is powerful, and then within the copy, “We’re helping kids learn teamwork and how to resolve conflict, which carries over into the classroom and throughout life.” And then in the instructions for the game, “Have a little fun and act as your FAVORITE CELEBRITY during your turn.” (The capital italics are directly from the brochure).
This is hilarious. I think learning how to dodge photographers is a definite skill my daughter needs to learn. There should be extra points for weighing below 115 pounds. If a kid is hanging out on the sidelines and wants to get in on the action, all they need to do is flour bomb the celebrity for wearing fur and then the body guards lose points for letting it happen. Oh, and if there’s a tie? The celebrity who acts the most wasted, to the point where her body guards have to hold her up while the photographer scores a photo of her underwear, WINS!
I am so looking forward to the tween years. Can’t fucking wait!
