Hallways: Toddlers love to run in them.
Last weekend as my daughter picked up a fourth shard of green glass from some creavaces in a crop of exposed Manhattan bedrock in Central Park, I wondered really how much different it would be to be a parent in the suburbs. This thought crosses my mind 100 times a day as we muddle through our little routines. I think, maybe if we lived in the suburbs my daughter wouldn’t think glass and cigarette butts are “rocks.” Oh, and that homeless guy masturbating on that Central Park bench (true story)? Just ignore it!
Even this past week something crazy happened, and no it wasn’t the flaming school bus my husband saw in front of Starbucks on his way to work, it was weirder, even for New York. As a group of us waited in line to use the handicap/stroller/bike service entrance to the subway, a (probably bi-polar/schizophrenic) woman on a motorized wheelchair going about 10 miles an hour (which is REALLY fast for a wheelchair) almost rammed into the back of my friend’s stroller and yelled, “I fucking hate you people!” Then she irately jerked her way through the rest of the line of strollers and through the door, white frizzy hair and pock-marked jowls flying—without swiping her Metrocard! A totally crazy wheelchair bitch on the run. I’d say, “only in New York” but I like to reserve that saying for more endearing Manhattan experiences…
Sigh. This and the rats behind our building’s “courtyard” sometimes make a person want to up and RUN to New Jersey, or in my case, back to the Midwest. But then I think, hey! New York is great for children. We have museums, beautiful parks and playgrounds, ice cream trucks on every corner during the summer, etc., etc.; and really, when you think about it, it’s not better or worse than the suburbs, just different:
1) Instead of rats, roaches, and giant disgusting trash flies, suburbanites have to deal with mosquitoes, poison ivy, wasps and bees.
2) In the suburbs, toddlers hang out in driveways and culdesacs while their mothers drink wine with neighbors; in the city, kids run the hallways while their mothers drink wine with neighbors.
3) New York mothers take their kids to Starbucks for a treat, while in the suburbs it’s probably McDonalds.
4) New York City’s older toddlers navigate city streets on Mini Kick scooters (much to their mother’s horror, but how the hell else are you supposed to get that kid to keep up with you while you’re running errands on foot?!); and suburb kids use the same scooters, but for playing in parking lots and drive ways. I bet you’ll see more helmets in the suburbs…
5) I have to sanitize my child 3 times a day from germs; you have to deal with grass stains on everything.
6) When I have a mental breakdown from hanging out with a screaming two-year old all day, I smoke cigarettes and cry on my fire escape; a fragile suburban mother probably does the same thing in her two-car garage next too the lawn mower.
7) Either place, suburb or city — GROCERY SHOPPING SUCKS!
