I’ve always been addicted to makeup, but when you have children, makeup becomes a goddamn necessity if you want to look like yourself anymore. While I’ve never been a classic beauty, I think I manage to at least look pretty cute a good 80% of time and really, do people really care that much once your mom? I mean, it’s expected of us to grow dimpled asses, hairy chins, and droopy tits after birth. The fact that you’re wearing lip gloss right now is AMAZING. How did you ever find the time to apply it, Mami?
For those moms out there who love makeup and aren’t about to give it up just because you popped a kid into the world I’ve devised a little makeup system that I think works pretty well.
Makeup for dropping your kid off at preschool
Pre-school is not a fashion show, but you don’t want to look like you rolled out of bed, slapped on some deodorant and are wearing the same makeup from the night before. It’s pre-school, not a freaking walk-of-shame, ladies! Always wash your face, use tinted moisturizer, mascara, and lip-gloss. I like Balm Shelter tinted moisturizer with SPF 18.
Makeup for late afternoon at the playground
Here, I think a little MAC eye-liner and eyeshadow is called for, along with mineral foundation (Jane Iredale mineral foundation doubles as a SPF 20 sunscreen) and lipstick because:
- A.) You’re outside under the bright sun and every flaw is going to show, especially all your melasma spots.
- B.) NYC’s afternoon-playground time is kind of a scene. It’s like happy-hour for all the hipster parents who can never go to happy-hour anymore, so why not look cute and socialize? Why not bring a flask of whiskey?
- C.) There’s a good chance you’ll stop at the corner restaurant on your way home for dinner with your hubby. Surprise him by looking put together at the end of day. Hint: he just might want to sleep with you later.
Makeup for toddler birthday parties
Toddler birthday parties are parties for parents too. In the limited social world of parenting, makeup-wise this is the equivalent of going out to dinner with friends at that hip new restaurant downtown. Along with full make-up you might want to blow-out your hair with a big round brush and tell your husband to shave even though it’s the weekend.
Makeup for playgroup
Playgroups usually only involve women and children. You probably don’t really need to wear makeup to playgroup. It’s the one place where you can show up in a shirt covered in child snot and stretched-out yoga pants from Marshall’s without being judged as a worn-out hag dragging her kids around the city.
The only time you might want to wear makeup to playgroup is if you’re hungover or trying to be that bitch that always looks good. Whether or not you wear makeup to playgroup is up to you. Just remember, it’s A-O-K to look however you want because, Jesus, these kids are exhausting! And you deserve one day a week where it’s okay if you look like this: 
