Can’t Stop Cursing in Front of Your Child? Try Duct Tape

Sometimes, I feel like this.

Ever feel like you need a piece of duct tape slapped across your mouth? If not, then you’re probably not a parent. Or you’re one of those perfect parents who never cursed even before you had a child. Or you’re Catholic, born before 1950 and think using the “F” word is extremely unladylike—just like my mother.

My generation, on the other hand, completely embraced curse words during middle and late adolescence. Definitely as much as any other generation, but I would have to say with more fervor and enthusiasm than others before us. We were the first to grow up with rap songs like, “A Fuck is a Fuck,” by Two Live Crew, heard on tapes, in 8th grade! We laughed in 4th grade when the evil Fratelli brothers and Mouth from The Goonies said variations of “shit” and “bull shit” 19 times. And then there are all the John Hughes movies like Breakfast Club, Pretty in Pink, etc, where all the really, really cool kids said more than a few swear words. As if this weren’t enough, we went to college and watched Pulp Fiction and Reservoir Dogs on a weekly basis!

Remember Jay of Jay and Silent Bob in Clerks?

Many new mothers and fathers with toddlers right now in the US belong to the youngest side of the Gen X generation (those of us born 1973-1976). It’s pretty clear to me we came of age in unique times—our formative years were a Goddamn Renaissance of foul-mouthery with even David Bowie saying “damn” and “hell” in Labyrinth. And now, NOW, I’m expected to rewire the neural-language paths in my brain built with cuss words delivered by movies of the 80s and 90s I enjoyed as a teenager while my brain was still growing? I just don’t think I can do it.

What the Experts are Saying About Cursing Around Your Kids
One of the best tidbits I’ve ever read online about swearing in front of your kids was a 2008 CNN.com interview with Kevin Smith, creator of Jay, from above. He said about his real-life daughter,

“We’re raising our kid in a household where people curse, as an experiment. And I think our experiment is working, because I don’t tame my language around the kid. I don’t run up to her and yell [expletive] in her face, but I don’t go out of my way to like not curse in front of her. And honestly, ironically, she doesn’t curse. And I’ve tried to get her to curse for like friends and family, because it’s always entertaining to hear a child curse, and she doesn’t do it.”

I would say Kevin Smith, along with Quentin Tarantino, are our country’s foremost experts on cursing. What you thought I’d share something by a parenting expert? Ha. While I do try hard not to use profanity in front of my sweet daughter, I do tend to yell “Fuck!” when I crack my shin on a piece of furniture because we live in such a tiny fucking apartment in New York City!

I agree with Kevin Smith, it IS hilarious when children curse, but only if you’re not their mom. And I have proof! This year during Christmas dinner with my conservative parents, my daughter dropped a piece of gooey ham on her lap. That’s not all she dropped. What did she say? You guessed it, a perfectly pronounced “FUCK,” used in the right context and with all the right inflection. I was proud that she knew how to use the word correctly—for about a nano-second—and then? My first thought was how UNLADYLIKE it was! And I was mortified! This, my friends, was the day I turned into my MOTHER. Who, by the way, was laughing her ass off.